Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
