$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
