SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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