OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize