I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sex in a hospital.. check
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
