The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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