i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize