Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
