Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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