She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize