You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
