well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
