I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize