The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
