on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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