I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
