i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
