she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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