There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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