After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
