He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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