on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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