Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize