You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
