And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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