suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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