There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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