Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
