My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
