I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
