Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
