are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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