I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
