Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
