So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
