I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
