Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
