I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
