so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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