She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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