I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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