yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
