Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
