I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
