Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
