the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
