were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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