nutella sex= disaster
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
