ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Everything about him screamed your future.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
