i just wanna soil my oats bro
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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