its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
