My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
