She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What a dumb baby whore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
