then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
