last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
