Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
