You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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