all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
