I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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