dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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