omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
