Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
