Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
