I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
