I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
