covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
